The Travel Funk

I am easily the most offensive person in this entire airport right now. First of all, its hot but if I take off my knitted beany then I will reveal the concealed Johnny bravo hairdue that’s defying the laws of gravity with my natural hair grease. I’m quite impressed with myself actually – my bodily fluids are defeating the laws of nature. I rule.

Secondly, I smell like a big sweaty foot that has been stewing sockless in Dock Martins in a college locker room sauna. What surprises me most about this however isn’t the actual odor seeping out from my general vicinity, its that between my two armpits, the stench is coming mostly from my LEFT!!!!

This. Never. Happens.

Between the two armpits, its always my right that smells worse than my left. I bet my left armpit is getting back at me for all those years of neglect… years of dehydration while my right armpit has been distinguishing itself at weddings, during test taking, and if Deal or No Deal is on - soaking up all the attention (pun intended). Well hats off to you left armpit (not my hat of course) – now is your time to SHINE.

Lastly, I look like I have been through a marathon of drug abuse. I made the mistake of looking at myself in the mirror in the bathroom and I thought that my eyeballs were actually bleeding. The other thing that it could pass for however is that I spent the entire time on the 12 hour plane ride, balling my eyes out in the bathroom which isn’t true either but luckily this is the story that both customs and security chose to believe. They could’ve gone either story and I am thankful that my travel wasn’t delayed as they assumed the crying-in-the-bathroom shtick over the cocaine marathon shtick. Being, very obviously, not the “tough guy” type has it’s upsides every now and again.

It may seem curious that I am on my way back to the US of A as I will only be there for 5 short days. A few short hours after my great sky diving adventure, I received a sobering phone call, snapping me back down to earth much faster than it takes gravity. My grandpa wasn’t doing to hot and was not expected to live longer than a few days. This news was surreal and almost unbelievable. Being so far, it didn’t quite feel like I new it should, as if it was someone else’s grandpa, someone else’s family. When I got the call a few days later, arrangements were made, and here I am, unexpectedly back in my home country, with little sleep, and even less capacity to process the incredible life and now, loss, of such an important person in both my, and my families life. Although, the trip feels endless, and its strange to be here so unexpectedly, I think I will be thankful to honor the life of such an incredible man, in person, with my family.